The Image Of My Love

I don’t want to spend my life waiting. Waiting for you to realize what you did wrong. Waiting for you to be there for me. Waiting for you to grow up. I don’t want to wait for my depression to go away anymore. I have been. Time never stopping tick tocking tick tick tick to the tock tock tock that never stops it’s tick tock. Stop. I don’t want to spend my life waiting anymore. The anticipation eroding away my soul. My walls corroded. Transparency now present. My heart on full display. Hide your eyes from what is seen, what is seen is hidden, seen in between hidden sights in hidden visions. See. The blind now touch the world with their eyes. Blinking in the sensation of the world that now rolls across their pupils. Rolling eyes blink, blinking eyes rolling from light to dark to light to dark to nothing. Blind. Vision stollen and vision lost. The blind once again lost the taste of sight. The fifth sense replaced with pain. The pain of knowing how good things should be but then it’s not. Pain of knowledge and knowledge of pain. My body starving from the lack of hope. My bones weighed down by this cruel world. I am stuck. Stuck rotting..rotting stuck…out of luck…. I am done waiting for my life to have meaning. I am done waiting for my mind to feel joy. I am tired of waiting for the few moments where the smiles are so strong that they lift up the world that has fallen on me. The seconds of relief so mesmerized and so pure. So pure for thirst quenching and then they are gone. Gone and devoured. Devoured and gone. Gone in even less than seconds and I am again smashed. Smashed and crushed… crushed and smashed in pieces. Broken pieces of my life scattered. Broken, I am broken. Broken beyond repair. No amount of glue and tlc can put me back together. So I am waiting for someone to fall in love with this unsolvable puzzle. Like seeing a magic trick without questioning how it actually occurred. Just enjoying the entertainment no matter how falsified it could be. I am waiting for someone to fall in love with the pieces… every curve and point and edge. All me. Love all of me. Because this is the only thing worth waiting for. The only reason to keep going. I will wait for this unconditional love to sweep up my pieces with a broom and dust pan just to lay them neatly on the table. Satisfied with them just being there. Close and near but never together. Okay with the mess and never trying to force them together. Not trying to become whole. Just present and visible. A breathtaking vision of this chaos that we call love or life…. love…life… both. Both really because there is no point of life without love and you can’t love without your life so both. Life revolved around your love no matter what it may be. These pieces that I call my image of reality. The image of life. The image of my love.

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