Did he ever love me?

Everything’s okay.

Just get in the car and go.

Just shake their hands; say hello.

Everything’s okay.


It’s just another day.

You see your father lifeless in a coffin

and your hate for him softens.

It’s not just another day,


but everything’s still okay.

Black fabrics soaked by yours brothers’ tears,

making it completely clear,

that everything is not okay.

I hate him.

Sorrow bubbles to my eyes;

I try to pop it with my eyelashes before it liquifies.

I hate him.


Did he ever love me?

How much does forgiveness demand…

to forgive someone who only rose a violent hand

instead of their children? Did he ever love me?


I can’t just hate him.

A need to love, to forgive him shown on my cheeks.

Love is something fatherless children can’t help but seek.

I can’t just hate him.


He couldn’t have loved me.

He only ever brought me pain.

Made my sanity impossible to maintain.

He never loved me.


Everything is okay again;

it’s just another day.

I hate him

because he never loved me.

unGODly

As God raised her to the light allowing his son’s blood to soak her lips, I danced in the fire which blanketed the Earth. Her unneeded proof satisfying her rightfully trained eyes and thoughts, as my doubtful mind screams upon answers to questions I asked growing up without tradition, growing up without brainwash. Wash…. a cleansing of the body… of the filth found in my unknown. Her soul in her faithful home, while mine remains lost in the flames…in the ashes. In the pile of the curious, the pile living just to live, and the pile which died when they died. My bones crisped to nothingness, similar to the faith and hope which never existed in the place of my lost soul. My unGODly soul.

Frost Bite

Inhale and exhale slow cool breathes. My lips part as the air glides through my lips to become visible. The air bites at my skin and the snow burns it. I try to wiggle my toes and nothing. I look at my hands which are starting to blacken. The tingling in my legs is slowly fading. I try to swallow, but find that my saliva has worn thin. My body is slowly quitting on me and each passing moment I feel less. I manage to tilt my head back so I can look at the night sky. I slide so that less of my back is against the light post, but now my head’s at least supported. The light dimly shines on me and I do my best to maneuver so that I can see the stars. Snowflakes fall over my body and I blink away one that lands on my eyelash. My body no longer trembles and I rest on the ground waiting as my body freezes. My heart rate is slowing and my breathing faint. My eyelids become heavy and I watch as the starlight turns into nothingness.

Devil’s Blood

Cold silence fills my surroundings and I grow with impatience. I can’t do this anymore. My eyes open for the first time in this world for me to find total darkness. My eyes frantically scan for an answer. My eyes meet something shimmering at my feet. I grab it and an energy explodes in a form of light and I can see nothing. I rub my fingers across the item and suddenly I wince from pain. My fingers slide over the sharp edge and I smile with anticipation. Slowly I run the sharp edge down my arm as my eyes tighten from the slight pain. A warmth forms at the intersection of the blade and my skin. I feel the blood glide across my skin and pool down the side of my arm. My blood drips away from my skin towards the ground. Flashes of light peak into my shut eyelids moments after each drop leaves my skin. My eyes remain locked and I feel a heat against my face. Fear swims through my body and my desire to open my eyes forms a stronger current. My eyes slingshot open and are immediately overwhelmed by light. I watch as my blood dribbles to the ground and forms gorgeous flames at my feet. Another shimmer appears in the distance and I run to it without hesitation. I grab the sharp edge. I quickly slice open my other arm and shake off the blood as I birth fire. I rub my hands across my cuts trying to scrape my blood onto the floor. Small flames form, but I am nowhere near satisfied. A shimmer in the distance and I sprint. Cut after cut, I bleed and bleed. My body finally taken over by pain as a tear rolls down my face onto a flame. My tear mixes into the flame and I watch as lava forms. I am overtaken and I must create more. A shimmer and this time I cut for pain. Tears pour from my eyes and lava forms within each crevice. I collapse to my knees as my body finally reaches its limit. The last of my tears and blood gather in front of me. I lay in pain as eyes are too dry to form tears and as my veins are too empty to spew blood. I blink in the light and beauty of my creation as I find comfort in the end. A hand extends itself from the lava that has gathered in front of me. I watch as it shapes into recognizable anatomy. My very own child forms as I die. I watch as my son grows in front of my eyes, while I shrink. Seconds later he stands with the height of a grown man as I have withered away to nothing more than skin and bones . “My son”, I mutter as life leaves my body and fills his soul, “Hades”.