Quick heart beats in cold vacant parking lots.
The tight grip, heavy breaths,
My face shoved down hard into his backseat,
the fabric rug burned onto my cheek.
The smell of air freshener and sorrow.
His tongue tasted of the salts of my skin when he kissed me goodbye and said “I love you.”
If only I said goodbye to myself too:
a subtle wave,
Every salt, every atom of my sanity was stolen from me that night
Now I am bland: baggy hoodies and layered clothing,
unlike those free “wild” girls
showing their bodies with pride.
My pride on a platter,
picked away from his teeth with a toothpick
until all that remained was nothing.
Our friends keep asking if I’m okay.
He smiles in their faces, puts his arm around me;
I say, “of course!”
I put on this show day after day,
month after month.
He says “I love you.”
Our friends applaud with so cutes and awww how sweets,
but I say nothing.
Head hung low, my eyes tell all,
whispering truths to the pavement.
He kisses my cheek…
He says “I love you”
“Awww how sweet”
But this time,
I raise my head,
chin high, tears running down face,
My voice stern with anger, “HOW SALT!”